You know that you have just had a great weekend when you find yourself sitting in front of a laptop on a monday afternoon, feeling lethargic, disoriented and yet, missing immensely the people whom you just bade goodbye to a few hours ago.

I went on a short road trip to Malaysia over the weekend and it was amazing to get away for a while, see a part of the world I am not accustomed to (yes, sadly my experiences with Malaysia were limited to JB and my one-day trip to Malacca in Primary 6) and experience various firsts for me. It feels liberating and at the same time, humbling. A reminder of all the beautiful things that Allah swt has created in this world while attempting to blend in with a country whose culture and religion should be so familiar to your own and even then, it is not. I cannot say much now but perhaps, once the pictures are up, it will be able to explain things better than me.

On a separate but relevant note, I have been struggling in the past weeks to change my mood and perspective on things. Be happier. Appreciate life as you get it. Open your heart. I am not always so good at this, often lapsing into silent self-pity and disappointment which Aidil Fahmy always detects despite the amount of effort I put in to hide or suppress it. Things, relationships, people, I have changed in the past year and I find myself angry often at everything. It is as if my angsty adolescent phase has kicked into overdrive as I approach and turn 21. It is ugly and the irrationality  and inability to verbalise frustrates me a lot. Where is the inner peace?

Nevertheless, I am trying and I try to remind myself of the good things in life, to thank Allah swt many times every day. Being able to hear his voice every day and share my thoughts even if I see him less and less. To have my family even if we are vastly different and don't always get along. To have friends who can see beyond my silliness and put up with my nonsense and temperament. To have a boyfriend who makes me laugh so hard with his playful antics and touch me with his patience and tenderness even in my ugliest moments. To have the opportunity to learn and study. To have the good fortune of being born in Singapore a Muslim girl and do so many things.

I need to remind myself and constantly appreciate every moment that is given to me and give thanks to HIM who has given me so much. As Dr Kamar said, and I paraphrase loosely, Islam teaches us to celebrate life and enjoy the liberties that He has given us. Being angry and sad just holds me back and I fail to be the best Muslim that I can be.

Please, let this phase in my life be over soon. Let me grow old a happy and peaceful Muslimah.