A Little Misspent

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 19:00:33 GMT

How easily we forget
A stalk of rose on a given day.
The symbol of love, of desire and devotion,
slowly withers
and fades away.

We forget the hand that gave it to us.
The subtle change in the air around.
The nervous glance,
the shaky fingers
the change of hands,
To the unspoken sounds.

A rose is not a rose
But a symbol.
It stands alone in its holy vase.
In time, its darkness signals.
A hidden shadow
Amidst a simple shroud.

How easily we forget
the thorns that come with the roses.
The sting of pain
and the sudden blood.
For every rose bears a witness,
the unassuming criminal

who'll be guilty, alas.

A Fifteener

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:26:17 GMT

As different as can be
You with your wild eyes
Chasing dreams into reality
So sure, so steady
Forever chasing stars in the skies.

As different as can be
You with your confident gait.
Your steps never falter.
So calm, so fluid,
Immune to my tempestuous bait.

As different as can be,
You with your smile full of mischief
You're my best friend,
my lover, my shelter,
You're my heart in sun and rain.

When the Cat's Away, the Mice will Play

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:58:19 GMT

Today, my mum went off for a two-day, one-night trip to Batam with our neighbour and her daughters. I chose not to follow, thinking of the amount of school work that I would need to do. Needless to say, not much school work was done. Instead, I have been obsessed with Smallville. Don't ask me why. I think the more stressed I get, the more irrational I become and thus, all the strange cravings and obsessions appear when they were never in existence before.

Still, that is not the point of my entry today. I decided to meet Fahmy for dinner in the evening. He has been volunteering for APEC the past few nights and welcoming delegates at the airport. With my mother not being at home, I decided to go out a bit later, doing my Isyak prayer first before finally leaving home. I did a small mental jiggle at the freedom and felt slightly thrilled as I walked to the bus stop. Really, it is not that I like not having my mum at home. The fact is that she is ALWAYS at home for the past twenty-one years that makes this, a novel experience. Here I am in Singapore, leaving my house at a rather 'late' hour and not really too worried about the time that I would be reaching home. Such mental freedom only happens when I am traveling and I am my own person.

Now, my mum has never been the type to forbid me or control my actions. I pretty much have free reign of what I wish to do and our relationship has always been based on mutual trust. Thus, as much as I was excited with my 'new-found' freedom, I still made it home just slightly after midnight, not daring to push my luck too much. Old habits die hard I suppose and as much as I might have wild ideas, I realise that some wars are not meant to be fought. I treasure my independence very much and yearn for it. Yet, being a girl, my mum is always sceptical about giving me too much thus, I have grown to realise through the years that it is better to win her trust and challenge her subtly by proving to her that I am capable of making the right decisions. Some people might see me as a 'miss goody two shoes' because of this but as I have said earlier, my independence is very important to me. As long as I hate being told what to do and I like making my own decisions, I need to play my cards right.

In any case, walking by myself in the evening, without having a person at home that I would feel obligated to, gave me a taste of the independence I wish to have. It felt good and it made me wonder of the things I would love to do if I were to live by myself. Here's a list that I tried to come up with as I took the bus:

1. Invite girl friends over for slumber parties
2. Stay out the whole night to study or just hang out
3. Catch a late night movie and then head for supper with friends
4. Paint my house an eclectic mix of red, green, blue and yellow
5. Do household chores (domesticated yes but i think they're a good sign that one is able to take care of one's self)

Yes, they sound so docile and well, NOT wild as one might expect. I have done some of these things, felt a taste of them as I traveled...like finding myself on a speedboat in the middle of the sea, in the middle of the night and just being awed by the wealth of stars surrounding me. Or walking around strange and unknown neighbourhoods, not quite knowing where I am headed to. Or finding myself struggling in the rapids.There is such beauty and satisfaction in doing these things when one is not in Singapore. Life however, does not have to be 24 hour rock-and-roll and the independence I wish in Singapore is of a simpler kind - The independence to just be one's self and to know one's self.

Est-ce que tu comprends?

For Your Lord Knows Best

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:09:03 GMT

While reading The Nanyang Chronicle today, I noticed an article that covered on the Islamic Awareness Week (Lessons in Islam by Ng Yee Theng) which happened two weeks ago. In it, a fellow NTU student that was interviewed expressed that the exhibition had not introduced anything new to him because, I quote, "Most of us Singaporeans have Muslim friends and already know a lot about their culture from them."

On the bright side, it's good that Muslims are sharing with their non-Muslim friends about Islam. However, I could not help but feel slightly stung by the words. Even as I poured through the research done by the fellow exhibition members, edited the work and sent it for vetting, there were so many new things that I learnt about Muhammad PBUH that I had not known previously. How then can this student say that there was nothing new to him?

My first thought was that he either did not look closely at the readings or perhaps the exhibition had failed in clarifying its true intent. As much as understanding the Islamic culture is important, I think what's even more important is the lesson and message behind every aspect of that culture. And this is where, perhaps, the exhibition team had failed to make people understand.

I should not take criticisms so personally but the exhibition had been a project very close to my heart. Perhaps in my pride over the work and achievement of the team, I had forgotten that the message was for Non-Muslims ultimately. Still, as Brother Amran said during the befrienders' training workshop, in order to do da'wah, we must constantly upgrade our own knowledge. Now, this is a constant work in progress.

Ultimately, how successful was the exhibition, only Allah swt will know. I should not let arrogance goad me to foolish pride.

"Invite (all) to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for your Lord knows best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance"
- Al-Qur'an, 16:125

Signs

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:11:45 GMT

I came across this great video and I thought it would be nice to share. :) Enjoy!

"It is He Who sends down rain from the sky: from it ye drink, and out of it (grows) the vegetation on which ye feed your cattle. (10) With it He produces for you corn, olives, date-palms, grapes, and every kind of fruit: verily in this is a Sign for those who give thought. (11) He has made subject to you the Night and the Day; the Sun and the Moon; and the Stars are in subjection by His Command: verily in this are Signs for men who are wise. (12)"

- (Surah An-nahl: 10-12)

My Life at This Point

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 05:00:12 GMT

My LJ is slowly sinking into a stalemate, if it is not already in one. Even though I am an English major, it is still hard to find the words to aptly capture a moment or an experience. Thus, I find myself resorting a lot to pictures and videos. And here is where I shall add another...

Islamic Awareness Week's Exhibition Team, with Liyana Low missing from the picture. Alhamdulillah, our efforts paid off and we generally received positive feedback from our visitors and fellow committee members. It is by far, the most fulfilling experience I have had in university. Not to discredit the other ad-hocs that I have worked with in the past 3 years. There is just something very enriching in being faced with a challenge and also, an opportunity for us to share with others about Islam while learning even more about it. Masya'Allah...I am thankful beyond measure for this experience.

As ironic as it might sound, it is experiences like this that reminds me again and again to be thankful for being in NTU. From giving up hope of making it to university after my dismal A-level results to receiving that very last minute call down for an interview and to attending that particular NTUMS FOC, the three years in NTU have made me a different person and I do not complain. Learning about English Literature and also, learning about Islam through the various experiences, I know that I am where I need to be.

On a different note, it was Fahmy's 25th birthday last monday and Alhamdulillah, everything went great. Thank you to the Spectrans who helped make it special! :) It had been a pretty stressful week for us last week and needless to say, I get unreasonable at times like these. I forget again and again how well he knows me. As different as we are, it is perhaps these differences that make our relationship work so well. Am I thankful for him? Of course I am.

Happy Birthday, dear! And thank you, for always being patient with me.

Berlalulah Sudah Ramadhan

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 05:26:25 GMT

Here's to one of the best Syawal I have had so far...

I don't think that I am always the best kinda friend around. I am lousy at keeping up with birthdays. I am bad at staying in touch. I might not be there for people as much as I would like to be. Nevertheless, I am thankful for all the friends that I have made along the way in these past few years. While the memories shared may have been from a distant past or our encounter, a passing phase in our lives, the friendships forged are still cherished and I am glad that we all took the time to meet up this month just to celebrate Eid.

Eid Mubarak everyone and I sincerely apologise for all my shortcomings as a classmate, a friend or as a person. May we all have another Ramadhan to look forward to and another Syawal to celebrate together.

Amin.

Jung Il Woo

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 12:31:03 GMT

Oh these sepet eyes and boyish smile have got me this time...

Loneliness and Aloneness

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 15:49:37 GMT

I met a nice family today.

And it made me both happy and sad.Happy that such families do exist, where there are good people who genuinely love without bullying or threatening. Who spread warmth and truly make a house a home. Parents whom one can speak to freely and respect. Parents who are wise and loving. And siblings who belong there as much as you do.

One of the worst things to see is really a heartbroken wife and mother. What can you say to comfort her? Her appetite is ruined and you see her staring into the distance one moment while ranting angrily at another. And when she thinks you don't hear, she cries.

There's nothing you can do because you realise that a child can never be a husband. You realise that you have been an observer all these years. Not a child who easily slips into an easy, affectionate banter with his or her mother. An observer. Someone who simply watches and gradually, forgets how to reach out and be part of it.

You look back through your past years growing up and try to remember the good times. Surely there must have been some right? There was always something or someone missing.

It's too late now, though. You are not sure when things began to go awry and when you forgot to communicate. This is how things are.

Just as the wife cries secretly, you too feel the loneliness of the house. How wide the spaces are and how silent it can be.

This is the house you return to everyday.

Loneliness and aloneness. How do you put it to words?

Coming Soon, baby!

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 07:38:55 GMT

While I have had my reservations about another film adaptation of one of my favourite books of all time (yes, Philip Pullman's Northern Lights is A LOT better than what the film is), I cannot help but be absolutely ecstatic that this film is coming to theatres soon!

Nevertheless, once bitten, twice shy...Just remind me later to go with no high expectations and watch the film as if it's a new story unfolding in my mind.

Getting Carried Away

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 14:37:23 GMT

Day two at Vientiane, Laos and I had one of the scariest (if not THE scariest experience) of my life. In a mad sense of adventure, I went to Green Discovery, a company that organises eco-friendly adventure tours, and signed up for a 1-day kayaking trip at Nam Lik River. Mind you, I have NEVER kayak-ed before and only in the morning as I prepared to leave for the trip, all the scary possibilities crossed my mind. It did not help that the word fatalities popped out a few times when I read my travelogue. Still, chickening out was not an option and it would just bug me to know that i did not give it a shot.

Thus, that was how I found myself, upon encountering the first rapids, flipping over from my kayak and holding on to my paddle tightly like the ever-obedient Singaporean that I am. Alone, unable to swim and overwhelmed by the unforgiving push of the rapids, I just panicked. I could not breathe (due to my panicking and trying to hold back my tears) and for a short but poignant moment, it crossed my mind that "This is it. I am going to die because no one can see me amidst the rush and I am not strong enough to be pushed around for too long". Dramatic as it sounds and as much as I can laugh over the silliness of it now, I very nearly did give up but somehow that thought also told me not to be ridiculous. I started waving my paddle like mad and tried to keep my head up as much as I could. I think my presence here at this internet cafe is testament enough that everything went fine in the end and Alhamdulillah, you will not be finding my body at Nam Lik River anytime soon.

Of course, I had to repeat my capsize experience 3 more times before I completed the whole route. I hit a tree during the second rapids and capsized once again, this time clinging on to my kayak for dear life. Third time, I made it through the rapids successfully and was feeling so proud of myself but somehow, while trying to avoid some rocks, I capsized again. By this time, I was just so sick of capsizing that I just laid back and let myself follow the flow of the river. Not being stuck in the rapids helped. The fourth time was a freak accident that happened very closely after the third. Trying to reach some rocks where we were to stop and have lunch, we encountered a small and unpredictable mini-rapid so there I was floating again and needing to be saved by the Laotian guides. The main thing that I liked about being saved was the way it made me feel so light. I was literally lifted out of the waters each time by the guides and placed onto their kayaks. Never have I felt so dainty and light in my life. :)

So yes, today was a dramatic day and I think, I caused my Laotian guides a mini-heart attack a few times. They were super nice though and looked genuinely concerned at my safety rather than feeling irritated by this accident-prone bimbo. I am not sure if I would be kayaking anytime soon or even white water rafting but I am definitely glad that I went ahead and I pulled through. Somehow, I feel a lot happier today because of this. :)

Deeper and Further

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 14:30:16 GMT

From Phnom Penh, Cambodia to Bangkok, Thailand and now, I am sitting in an internet shop at Vientiane, Laos. A trip of many firsts. Going to Cambodia has always felt like a trip to a second home, even more so than going to Malaysia but this time round, it was a quiet one. I started the trip alone and will soon, end it alone though admittedly, there were friends met and friends made along the journey. One more country to go before I am heading back to Phnom Penh and flying back home.

Bangkok was great. Unfortunately, shopping was never my main objective and so I did not do any at all. Temptations were aplenty though but I guess the variety of choices at Platinum (sadly, chatuchak market only opens during weekends) got to me and I could not decide. Things that excited me at Bangkok was really the street food. I love pad thai and love that prata/pancake thing that they sell. We had slightly less than a day to explore the city and tried to cover as much as we could in terms of places to see and also, transport to take. Speaking of transport, the most exciting thing about Bangkok for me were the buses at the Mo Chit Bus terminal. Backpacking journey that it is, long bus rides are the norm but the Thais really bring this to a whole new level! Each bus came with their own "air stewardesses" and there was even a cockpit-like barrier to separate the driver from the passengers. Cool or what? Yes, yes I tried to maintain my excitement and not expose myself as the kiasu, simple Singaporean that I am.

Vientiane has been a simple, laidback city so far, very much unlike the bustling cities that I was previously in. There has been no lack of halal food here surprisingly and I have been walking around, trying to find evidence that this IS the capital of Laos. A few more days here in Laos and I shall be a proud ecotourist by the end of it! :)

Nevertheless, it has only been four days into the trip and there has been ups and downs. I feel so ill-prepared at times and just stare blankly when a string of foreign words come shooting towards. I bang my head for not being able to go beyond "Je ne parle pas Francais". I worry over my cold feet in the bus and I am simply the worst when I am tired AND lost. Oh and let's not even talk about the various currencies that I have to differentiate and orientate myself with. It has been crazy and yet, it feels like a journey of soul-searching for myself personally. Reminding one's self to make the best of a situation and to remain optimistic can be difficult.

I wonder if in the end, it is me that has changed and drifted further than I thought I had.

Lollipop

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:02:19 GMT

There is something about this video that keeps me thinking about "lolli lolli lolli...pop pop."

Smell Big Big

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 09:03:40 GMT

At a supposedly chic Malay wedding held at The Gallery at Fort Canning,

Emcee: "Okay everyone, stand in front of the camera and SMELLL! Smell big big k?"

(Co-emcee corrects him.)

Emcee: "Oh it's not smell? ok everyone, SMA-iLLL! Sma-ill!"

What's a Malay wedding without strange emcees?

Repressed Thoughts

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 04:27:40 GMT

Secretly, I miss Aidil Fahmy bin Fadil.

like crazy.

Welcome to the Family

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 04:16:53 GMT

I have yet to meet you, little one, but the whole family has been waiting for you and we are very happy to finally welcome you. I pray that as you grow up, you are never deprived of love, never deprived of shelter and never deprived of knowledge. In return, I hope you grow to be a wonderful girl, a wonderful lady who is able to love equally back in return, who is able to make her parents proud and also be a Muslimah that is true in intention and true in deed. There is so much to say really. So much to warn you about and to share with you. Yet, these are things that you probably will not understand until you come across it yourself. I pray that when such things do happen, you are blessed with the ample wisdom and guided by Allah swt .

Amin.

Holding Back My Tears

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:32:46 GMT

This is one of my favourite songs of the moment. One week with the Thai and Vietnamese delegates and I realise that the one thing that holds all of us together (even more than ASEAN does) is Korean Pop! Thus, after spending some time singing and dancing to the tunes of Wonder Girls, DBSK and Super Junior, I decided to catch up on my K-Pop knowledge and re-discover my DBSK boys. :) Love, Love.

As I mentioned earlier, the past week has been spent with the Thai and Vietnamese delegates and 1 Filipino delegates from GK. From ultra sweet and feminine Vietnamese girls to super charming Thai boys, it has been fun trying to see Singapore from their eyes. Honestly, I had joined the camp with the objective of breaking out of my comfort zone but instead, I have found people who have made me feel SO comfortable. This might sound strange but it is such a relief to know that I am still me, that I can proudly be a Muslim in front of my Thai, Viet and Singapore delegates and it is never an issue. Alhamdulillah. While being in Muslim Society has taught me a lot and helped me grow a lot as a person, I think I have grown too comfortable in a very Muslim-oriented environment and I fear that I will forget how to function in a different environment.

Tomorrow is the final day and it's sad that I do not have any pictures of my own to remember the wonderful people that I have met in the past few days. I really hope that it does not end here. I feel the travel bug tickling me again already. Perhaps I can make Vietnam happen after all? We shall see.

Somewhere only We Know

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 17:47:48 GMT

Today I said no and it was such a bittersweet decision. I have been rationalising it in my mind, listening to advice from others and to finally say it and have it accepted so readily, it almost feels surreal. All these months, it has been juggling back and forth in my mind and I thought given the situation, I would eventually cave in. Even more so with Fahmy away to remind me to be firm and spare a thought for myself. Thus, I suppose this is truly my own decision and I am thankful for the friends, no, brothers and sister who understood where I was coming from. Alhamdulillah.

"When comes the help of Allah (to you O Muhammad SAW against your enemies) and the conquest (of Mecca), And you see that people enter Allah's religion in crowds, So Glorify the praises of your Lord, and ask for His forgiveness. Verily, He is the One who accepts your repentance and forgives." - Surah An-Nasr (The Divine Support)

During the last usrah session, Surah An-Nasr had been our focus and we talked about the concept of "Idza Jaa Narullahi Wal Fath" (When comes the help of Allah) and what it meant. Truly, our success and victory are very much dependent on Him and yet, we often forget this, forgetting the very Hand that blessed us and has the power to withhold these blessings. Looking back on the year and with reference to the given surah, truly, Allah swt has shown me this. Proudly I had announced to friends a year ago that there was nothing in my life that I was unhappy about. I was thankful and yet months after that, things changed. There were so many things that I questioned about my life, about myself. It was a struggle to be thankful and when I did say Alhamdulillah, I doubted my own sincerity.

Still, I think I am beginning to realise that every moment that comes bears a test of its own from Him. As I served my term as the HGS for NTUMS, I have been pushing personal matters to a hold, hoping that it would solve itself and yet, things have slowly been eating me up from inside. I cannot continue this way.

Thus, I made my stand publicly today. I cannot help but think of all the things that I wish I could do, WANT to do for MS but I know that I need this break to refocus and learn to be beautiful inside, not watch as the heart quietly withers and disintegrates. I need to learn to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good Muslimah and not just for the public. I don't want to keep burning bridges.

Can I ask Him to grant me a victory over my own demons? I can pray but more importantly, I need to zikrullah more often and remember to see the blessings even amidst adversity. Please, let me take this time to learn and grow and heal all that anger has undone. I am tired of anger and helplessness.

Note to Self

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 12:50:27 GMT

Dear Faiezah,

as he leaves for his trip the next morning, please do not cry.keep reminding yourself that he will be going for a good cause and he deserves the graduation trip after that. you do not want to be held back by anyone or anything (other than Allah swt) and you should not wish unto others what you do not wish for yoursrself. Be strong, Faz. Love, after all, cannot be about restriction. You should be able to share your dreams and grow together. Think of Khadijah R.A and how she supported Prophet Muhammad S.A.W towards his mission. Yes, you are in a situation less dire or important as theirs had been.Even so, Khadijah R.A is a woman to be respected and exemplified. Be strong, Faz.

Regards,
Your Rational Self

****
Dear Your Rational Self,

I will definitely try my best. It is hard not to miss a person whom I can b*tch to always, who knows my moods so well that I can never hide a sour face, who sings just as horribly as me, who's there for random smses and nightly chats, who means so much to me really. Still, I think I will be alright though I appreciate your concern. Moments shared can never be enough but for the next few weeks, I should have enough memories to keep me sane and composed.

I just pray now that he be kept safe, together with the rest of his team, and they all return with the beautiful experience that I had last year.

Amin.

Cheers,
Faiezah

Getaway

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 12:56:34 GMT

Not the most flattering photo of me. Nevertheless, it is the only holiday away from Singapore that I will be having this summer. I really wish I can go away for some time. Just not be here.

Time

Wed, 27 May 2009 16:41:46 GMT

I just finished reading Audrey Niffenegger's The Time Traveller's Wife for the second time and I cried buckets once again towards the end. The advantage of not possessing a great memory is that everything appears new and fresh to you each time, even if they appear nigglingly familiar. I was trying to imagine the book made into a film as I read it again and I hope they don't. I am usually pro-film and ready to espouse the wonders of filmic magic but I have to admit that the beauty of a novel lies in its mastery of words and its ability to arrogantly take time. A two-hour film will simply not do this book justice, especially since it is a novel that deals so much with time!

*****

I wish I had more time to do these things:

1. practise my ngaji
2. write short stories
3. attend religious classes regularly
4. learn to cook
5. spend more time at home
6. be with my friends

It is so easy to blame the lack of time but I guess my real problem is simply discipline. I need to learn to give 100 percent of myself to various things and not just dedicate myself fully to one. Thank god, women cannot practise polygamy. I would be such a crappy spouse.

****

I always try to put us side by side. Chronologically that is. What was he doing at this time a few years ago? Are we at this moment facing the same points, he a few years back and me in the present?

Love in the Time of Swine Flu

Sat, 23 May 2009 14:58:24 GMT

He followed her closely, holding her and ensuring that she did not fall even as his own steps have grown unstable and weak with age. While others secretly ridiculed such tenderness between them, I could not help but find it sweet. You see, this is not the typical old couple that have been married for ages. They are newly-weds and they were one of the distant relatives that were invited for my cousin's wedding today. As I observed them the past few days, Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Love in the Time of Cholera crossed my mind and yes...perhaps love doesn't always have to occur at the prime of one's life. I can only hope that when I am old and withering, there is still someone willing to hold my hand...and he had better not be the nurse or the doctor!

On a different note, congratulations fahmy! You are a graduate now! Yippee dippydee dooda! i specially edited a graduation photo for you but for some strange reason, it refuses to upload. :( Oh well.

One more day of weddings. I am actually enjoying it.

Weekend Getaway

Mon, 18 May 2009 10:45:32 GMT

You know that you have just had a great weekend when you find yourself sitting in front of a laptop on a monday afternoon, feeling lethargic, disoriented and yet, missing immensely the people whom you just bade goodbye to a few hours ago.

I went on a short road trip to Malaysia over the weekend and it was amazing to get away for a while, see a part of the world I am not accustomed to (yes, sadly my experiences with Malaysia were limited to JB and my one-day trip to Malacca in Primary 6) and experience various firsts for me. It feels liberating and at the same time, humbling. A reminder of all the beautiful things that Allah swt has created in this world while attempting to blend in with a country whose culture and religion should be so familiar to your own and even then, it is not. I cannot say much now but perhaps, once the pictures are up, it will be able to explain things better than me.

On a separate but relevant note, I have been struggling in the past weeks to change my mood and perspective on things. Be happier. Appreciate life as you get it. Open your heart. I am not always so good at this, often lapsing into silent self-pity and disappointment which Aidil Fahmy always detects despite the amount of effort I put in to hide or suppress it. Things, relationships, people, I have changed in the past year and I find myself angry often at everything. It is as if my angsty adolescent phase has kicked into overdrive as I approach and turn 21. It is ugly and the irrationality and inability to verbalise frustrates me a lot. Where is the inner peace?

Nevertheless, I am trying and I try to remind myself of the good things in life, to thank Allah swt many times every day. Being able to hear his voice every day and share my thoughts even if I see him less and less. To have my family even if we are vastly different and don't always get along. To have friends who can see beyond my silliness and put up with my nonsense and temperament. To have a boyfriend who makes me laugh so hard with his playful antics and touch me with his patience and tenderness even in my ugliest moments. To have the opportunity to learn and study. To have the good fortune of being born in Singapore a Muslim girl and do so many things.

I need to remind myself and constantly appreciate every moment that is given to me and give thanks to HIM who has given me so much. As Dr Kamar said, and I paraphrase loosely, Islam teaches us to celebrate life and enjoy the liberties that He has given us. Being angry and sad just holds me back and I fail to be the best Muslim that I can be.

Please, let this phase in my life be over soon. Let me grow old a happy and peaceful Muslimah.

On a Thursday Morning

Thu, 07 May 2009 03:49:45 GMT

I have been thinking about my life and myself lately and I came up with a list of resolutions upon turning 21:

1. To take better care of myself physically

2. To be more optimistic

3. To plan and live my life; not just dream

4. To pursue my religious knowledge more seriously

5. To learn to cook healthily for my family

6. To be more adventurous and not let fear hold me back

They all somewhat overlap and I am sharing this on my LJ so that I can put them into perspective and really work towards keeping up with it. Insya'Allah.

Because I feel emo after watching Yasmin Ahmad's Mukhsin

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 15:56:40 GMT

Don't leave me.
We must forget
all that can be forgotten,
that already has passed away.
Forget the times
of misunderstandings,
and the times lost
trying to know how
Forget those hours
which sometimes killed
in attacks of "whys"
the heart of happiness.

Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me.

I'll cover you
with pearls of rain
from countries
where it never rains.
I will dig the earth
until my death
to cover your body
with gold and lights.
I will make a land,
where love will be king,
where love will be law,
and you my queen.

Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me.

Do not leave me.
I'll make up
crazy words
that you'll understand.
I'll tell you
about the lovers
who have twice seen
their hearts catch fire.
I'll tell you
the story of this king
who died from not
being able to meet you.

Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me.

We often see
the fire erupt
from the ancient volcano
we once thought too old
It is shown that
lands that were burned
gave more wheat
than the best April.
And when the evening comes
with the sky blazing
-- the redand the black --
which doesn't blend.

Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me.

Don't leave me.
I won't cry anymore
I won't talk anymore
I will hide there.
To watch you
dance and smile
and to hear you
sing and then laugh.
Let me become
the shadow of your shadow,
the shadow of your hand,
the shadow of your dog.

Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me.

- Jacques Brel's "Ne Me Quitte Pas" (Don't Leave Me)